Jamie is at the age where if its not her mess why should she pick it up....
So while I was grabbing a few bits before flying out the door this morning to do the school run I could hear her out on the drive mythering on at Daniel about his tissues that he left on the back seat of the car.... first thing that crosses my mind is " oh damn, I didn't pick up those tissues" because after all everything around here is my responsibility
as I continued to listen to her go on at Daniel a switch in my head clicked and I was annoyed....
She could have just picked them up and put them in the wheelie bin next to the car....
not her mess though!
so why be helpful to me?
Unfortunately by the time I got to the car I lost it and it all flowed out...
Last night she asked that I go on Amazon and buy her 2 more books by the time I came down from putting Daniel to bed at 8pm she had left Amazon on the laptop and the books in question on the screen...
this is a girl that doesn't tidy her room or keep it tidy, moans if I ask her to walk the dog, can't be bothered to play with her 4 year old brother (who thinks she's the best thing since sliced bread) tells "white" lies to get out of anything that she doesn't fancy doing and yet I am to be hounded in my own bed at 10 o'clock last night by her asking if I had bought them for her... Mr P nearly hits the roof and I point out to Jamie that she should be in bed and now is not the time...
This is a twelve year old girl that begs me not to move her to another school as she has "friends" and yet she spent the whole of the summer holidays at her nanny's or here and didn't make an effort to contact any of these "friends" for 6 weeks...
Well I start out on my daily routine this morning driving in a not too good a mood... livid would cover it I suppose.... luckily my guardian angel sent speed restricting traffic to cool my driving and save us from ending up flipped over in the hedge... However by the time I reach Sparkford it all falls apart...
Before you enter the village of Sparkford there is a garage and a Mc Donald's on the A303 a road runs behind this garage and if you don't want to go around the roundabout you can nip along this fairly narrow 2 lane road... there are houses on the right of me and the garage is on the other side of a hedge on the left...
Children waiting for the school bus to Ansford wait in a gap in the hedge... they have a habit of leaning forward into the road which is frankly dangerous.. and last week they laid debris, branches etc across the road which I luckily veered around as there was no traffic coming the other way...
This morning however I was not in a mood to ignore the item thrown at my car as I passed and if I hadn't been in such a state I would have probably found some humour in their horrified faces as I screeched to a halt and reversed back up to them.... Jamie slowly died in the back seat of the car as I put on the hazard lights got out of the car and went to have a "chat " with these youngsters...
I was so annoyed that I quite frankly can't remember what I said ... I am pretty sure it was swear word free and although ranting I think it was semi coherent! lol
I am sick of people putting up with this kind of behaviour, I am sick of fully grown adults being too worried about the consequences of dealing with these stupid children... if there parents want a word with me "bring it on!" While they are in a school uniform they are an advert and a reflection on that school they can be 11 miles from school but they should behave like they are at school... mind you considering some of the tales I have heard from Jamie about mass fights in a part of the school that is not watched over by teachers perhaps this is how they behave at school...
I further embarrassed Jamie as I pulled up outside the front of school turned off the engine and went into school to apologise for loosing it with their pupils and to make them aware of their behaviour while waiting for their bus... by this time I was almost in tears... and I left my name, and someone will be calling me later...
I am tired, I am low, I am really fed up...
I manged to drive a few miles out of Ansford before I had to pull over and have a good cry... Daniel was a little confused asking whats wrong Mummy...?
but after a couple of minutes I took a few deep breaths and made it back to Queen Camel in time to get Daniel into school.... after buying him another school jumper as he used the sleeve of his jumper as a hanky yesterday and I ran out of time to wash it and get it dry last night... I stood in the playground and held it together behind my sunglasses...
I know its only a car trip, and i feel pathetic that I can't cope with it but its just so ... oh I don't know... I can't even think of the words...
Next week they have decided that the nursery children can stay all day on Tuesday and Wednesday, so at least I have something to look forward to.... I can only assume being a parent comes more naturally to some than others... one lady at school is expecting her 6th child and the 5 she already has are all under 7years old... and she seems to revel in being a mum or do these people go home and cry and scream and shout and feel tired all the time and are just as screwed up as me...? she is 9 years younger than me so perhaps I would have coped better 9 years ago... or perhaps I am just selfish wanting time during the day to myself and begrudging taxiing my kids around the countryside...
Perhaps my oldest brother has it right
"I am not having children as it will interfere with my lifestyle"
should that have been my motto 12 years ago?
I am sure the good times should be balancing out the rough times... do I have a torrent of good times to come my way? or am I just too tired to notice these good times happening around me?
Sorry to be so down, but this is my space to air my thoughts and if I do end up flip side in a hedge then at least you'll all know why, I have noticed that people around me have stopped asking the "how are you?" question its official ...
I have become a bore! the emotional leper...
People around here are eager to know me when I can run and organise a fete or serve teas and coffees in the village cafe or help with arts and crafts at the pre-school but once you are worn out and unable to function in the way that they require of you its small talk and subject changing... looking the other way during a conversation to break to topic... Your not being the person they want you to be and that's not comfortable or desired
Why in our society is showing emotions a weakness? why are we shunned the minute we show a flaw or inability to cope...?
The old boy down the road is shunned by neighbours because he is old, cantankerous and lonely and suffering from Parkinson's disease... he is constantly being ripped off by woman of all ages offering him support and comfort in return for him paying for this and that.... he spent over an hour Saturday sat in my kitchen shakily drinking a cup of tea... he cried, he talked, he laughed and I listened...
perhaps that's my problem I listen to people... I attract the lonely and the fed up, perhaps like attracts to like...
Mr P was not impressed, he rolls his eyes every time I spend time befriending the strangers that are ignored by the many...
Friday I picked Mr P up from work and I popped into Asda while Mr P and the children sat in the car and waited, when I came out after grabbing a few essentials it was lashing it down with rain... I had a vague idea where Mr P was parked but headed for the bus shelter half way across the car park... an elderly lady stood there muttering and cursing as the shelter provided no cover as the roof wasn't deep enough and too high, while I stood scanning the car park for Mr P I chatted to her about the state of things today and I listened to her rant... she ended it with a smile and an apology for being a grumpy old lady... but at least I had listened and she felt that she had been heard...
So on that note I apologise for being a middle aged grump, I am smiling at you all and I thank you for listening...
xxxx
Alex
17 comments:
Firstly, you are not alone with your 12 year old horror.
Trust Me hunni, I have one and speaking to other parents it's the norm for girls this age.
Din't get me wrong, Jess can be an absolute treasure.......... sometimes ;)
If it's any consolation, boys are totally different!
Secondly, good on you for having a go at those kids.
I have done it on so many occasions and embarrassed J in the process, do you know what?
I don't give a damn, the problem with kids is they think no one can touch them, what happened to the days when children respected their elders!
Remember.......... you are only human ;)
B xxx
Oh Alex, what a rotten morning you've had! Sending big hugs your way. My 13yr old does try it on sometimes too, "why do I have to clean up J's mess?" and I just reply with "well, why do I have to clear up yours and J's and your Dad's mess?! We're family and that's just what we do for each other!" I think that's just part of having kids, whatever their ages or gender! Secondly, good for you for standing up to those kids and informing the school. I would absolutely have done the same thing.
I hope you get to spend next Tues & Weds just on you!
R xx
Oh you are SO not alone. I am having that very same problem with all 3 of my boys and they are 10, 9 and 4. Eldest is the worst. Very ungrateful at the moment. Always wanting things but not willing to help out in ANY way. He gets lippy and sarcastic so he gets a priviledge taken away, which makes him worse, so things get thrown around in a fit of anger and I get annoyed and another priviledge goes....and so it goes on.
Middle son has just been grounded for ungrateful behaviour and disobedience. He has taken it hard as he thinks he is the golden boy! The eldest two constantly bicker and youngest thinks this is the norm so does it too. Hubby and I laugh even social services would send them back!
I drive down a road everyday on the school run that has one path on the passenger side and is always parked with cars that side too, so there is only single file and no path only a hedge on the drivers side. Secondary school kids walk three side by side in the road because it means they would have to walk 5 extra steps to get on the path. They don't move when you drive along and look at you with disgust when you tell them to get on the path provided. It makes my blood boil! Ahhhhhh and breath...the rant over! You are not alone! I hope your day, week gets to be better! xxxxxx
The way you are feeling is very normal. I think some women are more maternal than others but any mother who says the job is easy is either a liar or they're not doing the job properly. I also think you're doing the right thing. When children are small we naturally do everything for them but as they get older it's important that they learn the world doesn't revolve around them and they need to consider others. It's a harsh lesson to learn but an important one.
I also think you are wonderful for inviting the old man in for a cuppa. I bet he appreciates it and i bet also he has led a rich life with stories to tell.
You are a good person Alex and although we have never met i think i love you.........in a friendly, respectful non-weired sort of way.
X X
(((Alex)))
I dare you to make one of my cakes and present it to your MIL - go on you know you want to ;)
I am currently the unpopular Mother of all time as I have told eldest child who is 15 I am no longer ironing her clothes. They are washed and ironed then given to her and she dumps them on her floor to reappear in the washing basket in the same folded shape. No more!! I have a friend who is ready and waiting to kick MY butt if I dare iron big one's things.
The tidying thing - I get 'It's my room' from both big one and wee one. Drives me nuts and I do keep reminding them 'yes but your rooms are in MY house!'
And if like attracts like, then I like the company ((((hugs))))
Hello Alex
From the other comments above you will know by now that you are by no means alone! You did the right thing by going into the school - though I would have gone in with all guns blazing and complained about their students behaviour. Though my child is now 28 I still remember those awful teenage years - as I'm sure does she...I used to feel that I was on my own too. Stick by what you believe is best and move your daughter into a nearer school - she WILL make new friends you know. Do not give up on what is important to YOU and your feelings, It's important that you feel good about what is happening - and you are just as important as other members of the family you know. It's good that you can air your views on here, keep it up as it will help you work through problems.
In the meantime I'm sending you my support and a great BIG hug!
My very best wishes.
Rose H
Well done you for saying it how it is! I look at some blogs and their lives look perfect, with perfect children and perfect homes and it makes me feel like the worst mother, I feel that some mornings all I do is shout at the kids. My 3 are 10,8 and 18mths. lucie who is 10 thinks she's 16 and isn't "bothered" about anything and is often heard saying "why should I" Isla-rose has gone from a mild natured baby in to the toddler from hell throwing tantrums all over the place and i think I am doing well if I can get Dylan to get dressed in the morning. Thankyou for your honest and realistic post, tomorrow when it all kicks off in the morning I will think to myself I'm not alone and I'm a normal loving good mother. Take carexxx
Alex you probably feel a lot better now. Hey, you are only human you know. So many people try to be SUPER HUMAN nowadays. Why? You do need time for yourself. How else can you continue to be the good Mom that you are to your kids! We need more people like you to not accept the outrageous behavior of some kids. It is obvious that they are not being 'taught' at home about appropriate ways to behave in public. Good for you for having the courage to do the right thing.
Jim
Hi! I came over from Jabacue's blog. I'm from Oklahoma, USA....I read your post in it's entirety and nodded my head all through out. I'm 58 now, my children are grown with children of their own, but I can tell you that while they were at home, there was never a minute's rest. I worked full-time and managed to finish my college degree and didn't eat any of my children in the process, even though they asked for it. Being a parent (especially a mother) is one of the hardest jobs on earth, and when our last one left the nest, I was so relieved. The empty nest is wonderful and that will give you something to look forward to. Teenage girls, now they're something from another planet, a not so friendly planet. But, smile now, because pay backs are double and they will have children of their own someday and will go through exactly what they put you through! LOL I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Liz
I know everybody has said the same thing but you are so not alone. Plus, I am a great believer in a 'letting it rip' session from time to time being actually quite essential and healthy. I actually work one into my life about once a month! ;-)
Like lots of young mums, you are extremely thinly spread at the moment - trying to be all things to all people.
Hang on in there babe, things will get better.
Hx
Oh good on you Alex for speaking to those little horrors, they seem to have no idea of the danger they are being to drivers and themselves...or more likely it seems to me, they just don't give a damn. Only when something bad happens do they stop and think, though often by then it can be too late.
I agree with so much of what you said, that if I were to write it all here, then this would be almost as long as your post, but maybe not as interesting!
I really don't know how you put up with your daughters attitude, really you are a saint! I had no such problems with my sons, only one occasion I remember a really big row they had because the younger had called the older a nasty name which he had heard someone else at school use without knowing the meaning. Eldest son being the sensitive one ran away! I had to get my husband home from work with the car to go and look for him, then we sat them down and talked it through and peace returned to the household.
I so agree with Jacey about you telling life as it really is... these squeaky clean perfect lives blogs drive me nuts and I don't read them any more.
Maybe it's a generational thing, but my sons were taught from a very early age that they were responsible for their rooms being kept tidy. When they got to teenage years, they were also responsible for cleaning them as well as tidying. And they took their turns helping around the house if needed (I had serious health issues when they were early teens and often too tired to think let alone be a housewife and mother), they helped in the garden, and bless them, it was all done without a moment of rebellion, no sulky looks. We gave them spends of course, maybe that helped! Whatever, they turned out to be men who could look after themselves in every way, who were respectful of their elders, healthy and happy individuals. What more could I ask?
Oh alex I hoped it helped having a cuppa this morning.
Now you really do have something to look forward to next week to days out with me and you can rant and rave as much as you like as long as I can join in.
Take care buddy good days will follow I have my fingers and legs crossed for you.
Oh Alex..... its just a cr*p phase (erm, it lasts quite a while as I remember). However, like all other cr*p phases, it DOES come to an end. Good for you for going into the school by the way........
Alex,
Sending you lots and lots of hugs from way over here. And like definitely attracts like :) but it's not so bad...we get to meet a lot of interesting people and know we've made there day, even when ours is going to hades in a handbasket. Thank you again for that message over at that site and letting my type your ear off :)
go find a hook and some yarn and zen out :)
Lots of love,
Jenn
Hey Alex,
Sorry to hear that you had a rough day! It sounds very similar to the days that I sometimes have (I'm not brave enough to blog about mine!) Honestly you are not alone - parenting is extremely hard work.
For future reference, I also think that during that certain time of the month you can also legally kill people who just push you too far (I haven't yet tried it but it's on my to do list!)
Jille
well done for shouting at the school children, some of the deserve it.
some kids once threw some water balloons at our car near a busy crossroads in the middle of town, the traffic lights were at red so me and son jumped out of the car and ran after them and followed them to their house and gave them a mouthful, so the mother came out and said it wasn't her little darlings, so she got a mouthful as well!
Josie x
you are so not alone in this Alex. i agree that it is considered that if you show your emotions then you are considered weak, this is so not true. i think to be able to show your emotions is a strength and it also helps us acknowledge the way we are feeling which is the the first step to managing and coping with our emotions and facilitating some changes to make us happier. i have 2 daughters, 10 and 12 so i am entering the same stage, the dreaded 'teenage years'. i am fully aware that i may lose them for a while but i know (hope)that if i offer love, openness and a good moral basis that they will return once they have rebeled, developed and found out who they are. i remember being so unhappy as a teeneager so i try and remember this when i am cross with them. it sounds like you are having a very tough time right now. talking it over is good and if you feel that you need to talk to others removed from it then finding a good couseller may give you a little distance and ultimately strength. parenting is hard, only last week i wanted to throw all my toys out of my pram as i had had enough, these moments are neccesary as they cause a shift and thus facilictate change. i hope you find solace in your creativity and can clear you head and set some new ground rules for your family that keep you the main carer fullfilled too.
lots of love to you.
ginny x
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