Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Love and all things lovely....


Its February and love is in the air.... 
I realise that valentines day is a commercial nightmare but it didn't use to be... honest! ;D

I remember back when I was at school that I always dreamt of receiving a card... every year I would get my hopes up and every year I would be disappointed... I was a sensible girl at school... the youngest in my year and yet the most mature and grown up... tall for my age it was expected of me by my peers, teachers and family... I grew up quickly and kept people at arms reach... I still yearn for that lavish gesture... a flower.. a card... something bold that makes your heart flip flop and leaves you flush with excitement and wishing you worked in a very public place so that everyone would see how much your loved... My first ever boyfriend got it...although he was a control freak and not meant to be, understood how to woo a lady... he knew how to ring all the right bells make you feel like one in a million...

However after 7 and a half years and a year into owning our first house he dumped me for his secretary .... 
so not such a catch after all! ;D

She bath'd with the roses red, and violets blew,
And all the sweetest flowres, that in the forrest grew.

The Faerie Queene (1590)
Edmund Spenser

Les (Mr P) doesn't "do" romance.... doesn't really do Easter, Birthdays or Christmas and as were not married he luckily cannot miss our anniversary... I have handily forgotten the date we met and the only reminder I get is from his mother and I wish she would forget it too! 

The words "I love you" are very rarely heard, in fact I can't physically remember hearing them... however my mum has informed me that my dad never used those words to her either... she's ask him if he loved her and he'd reply "I'm still here aren't I" so I can only assume its more prolific than I suspected...

However I still find myself hoping, praying and yearning for some kind of recognition of love after all these years....  a cup of tea in bed... or a unexpected lunch or dinner in or out... something to whisk me off my feet... it wouldn't take much I promise you...

So with the usual comment of "pah... Valentines day is a waste of money... its so commercialised and whats the point!" why not choose to not be commercial... make the effort to pack a picnic and go out for a stroll... or make a card or if you do buy a card put more in it other than "to.... " and "from....." write something lovely and personal and show that you do take notice of the person that shares your ups and downs for the rest of the year... make heart shaped biscuits and pop them in his/her lunch box... 
but this has to be a 2 way street .... 
its so soul destroying to give your heart every February and get nothing in return... its like putting your heart on the wall only for it to be pelted with stones by a lad with a sling shot... last year I bought Les a card... I think he even saw the envelope... he expected it... he had nothing as usual for me... so I put his in the bin... childish I know but why set myself up for disappointment... 

Saint Valentine has even been removed from the Catholic calendar... even though the idea that he married single men and their ladies secretly as Emperor Claudius did not want married men as they wouldn't be such good soldiers is unsubstantiated in historical texts but surely its a chance to show someone you care...

The rose is red, the violets blue
the honey's sweet, and so are you
Thou are my love and I am thine
I drew thee to my Valentine
The lot was cast and then I drew
And fortune said it shou'd be you.

Gammer Gurton's Garland (1784)

I realise there are plenty of ladies out there that are treated wonderfully and they in return hopefully treat their men fantastically... however there are plenty of us out here that get nothing and not much else the rest of the year either... its a lovely idea that we should love and appreciate each other all year not just on February 14th but it doesn't happen for us all... so we need a day to grasp onto and hope that this year will be different...

If any of you lovely bloggy people would like me to send you a card this valentines drop me an email with your address and I will pop a card in the post to you... 
Its obviously not the love of an unrequited passionate type but it would be full of love for a fellow romantic with dreams and hopes...
take care
Alex
x

16 comments:

Maggie said...

Alex, I know where you are coming from. My husband isn't romantic at all, talking about feelings is something he doesn't do.... but we tell each other I love you, every night before going to sleep, though being me I sometimes feel it's just said out of habit, you know? Sad to say, the people who have given me romantic surprises, not just Valentine's Day though, have all been male friends, though nothing like it for a decade or more now. I used to send Valentine's cards to special female friends, but all I got back was thanks, nobody ever thought to do one for me. And since I was at an all girls school, and not Miss Popular either, Valentine's Day was pretty much a non-event... and really, sadly, has remained so. I don'tbuy into the commercial bit, but have, in the past, presented himself with heart shaped pebble as a paperweight for his desk at work (when he worked), a special meal and always handmade card, never bought. In a world where there is so much bad feeling, so much strife, wars and so on, and the country is in a negative state financially speaking with cuts and more cuts, what's wrong with spreading a little LERVE.... nothing at all. I'm with you....xxx

The sewing room said...

Well Alex at least he is still with you and not a secratary there is love there even if you can not here it but l know what you are saying our relationship is a bit one sided like that ,all on my part l can assur you.What l usualy do is make my kids valentine cakes to share with their partners so that they can at least have a bit of romance just incase some one there is letting the side down but no one does it for me.But l would love to send you a card my e mail is family300l@aol.com please send me your address.

Hugs Pat

Pink Feather Paradise said...

awww Pat... you are too kind... and how wonderful you are to support your kids with such a lovely gesture...
thank you for popping by and although it will be a battle I think I will drop you a line.. my next mountain to scale is "accepting gifts and help!" I have so many things to accomplish this year! ;D

hugs and stuff Alex x

Pink Feather Paradise said...

Big hugs to you Maggie... I know its not a good thing but I am relieved to find that I am not alone... you se so many blogs where they get such wonderful romantic gestures and gifts and you start to wonder what your doing wrong... or why your not worthy of such treatment.. lol
thank you for taking the time to stop by and leave a comment... I really appreciate it.. xxx

hugs to you
Alex
x

Babbs said...

Aww Alex, I believe there is a lot of women in this same boat, but I also believe the love is just so deep and understood that sometimes the men just overlook it, especially the "not" romantic type. It is nice to pampered and reminded now and again though. My best friend is the same way. Her husband is NOT romantic, BUT he does so much as far as the kids and her are concerned, so she sees it that way, and has learned to accept it. I personally say whack him in the head with a big heart shaped biscuit, accidently give him a paper cut when you hand him a valentine card, and tell him how nice it would be to have him show you how much he appreciates you. :) and to the jerk that left you for his secretary???? BOOOO!!! his loss!!! Wish I were closer, I'd run right over with some Valentine Tea, cookies, and a card just for you my dear friend. BIG BIG BIG valentines day hugs from Texas. :) x0x0x0

Pink Feather Paradise said...

Awww shucks... you guys are all so wonderfully scrummily beautiful... Babbs if I lived closer to you I'd be in your kitchen having a natter and a cupp of real american coffee... and we'd be mad as hatters together... thank you for your lovely huggly comment... x

and Clare who private messaged me... you are too kind and I'm pretty sure I was the one sending out cards..lol
Les won't know whats going on if I have a mantle full of cards ... but the look on is face would be priceless! xxxxx to you all!

Clare said...

Hey Alex - thanks for mail...lets see what St Valentine can rustle up!
Clare
x

The Vintage Gardener said...

Email me (andrew.james10@virgin.net) your address and I'll send you a card - us blogging ladies have to stand together at times like this!

The sewing room said...

I look forward to it do not forget.So glad you are getting some lovely messages is,nt blog land great such support out ther.



Hugs Pat

A Blessed Life said...

Hi Alex,...I have a hubby that does not do the commercial things eother(their excuse I think!lol) however he does tell me he loves me, but as one of your lovely followers says it is a habit thing each night to say it.At our craft group we have a little thing going called "Heart Sisters" all the names,addresses,birthdays,and fav colour go on a piece of paper and in a hat,you draw out a name if you get your own put it back and then it is a secret who you have,on these occasions and whenever you feel like it you send your "heart sister" a little something to make her feel nice.How about we do something like that I would love to go on a "Heart Sister" blog list.My heart goes to you Alex as hugs and squeezes and surprises make the heart flutter isn't it nice to know we are not alone!.Carole xxxxx

lisa ridgeon said...

my dear, i wouldn't put too much emphasis on romantic gestures. I am fortunate that my Hubby tells me he loves me and he calls me 'pretty girl' but it's the every day thoughtful gestures that mean the most like de-icing my car on a cold morning or pouring me a drink because he's noticed my glass is empty. I know two married men who wine and dine their wives and buy them flowers and i know for a fact that they are having affairs so i don't see any value in steriotypical romantic gestures. A good solid relationship is what you need. Treat them well enough to keep them interested but keep enough fear in them that they behave themselves for fear of ending up alone in a grimey bedsit!

At least this year you'll have some lovely Valentines goodies as i'll also be sending something your way.

X X

smilernpb said...

P does not 'do' valentines day either, and so I won't be holding out my hopes for a card, let alone a pressie. For the first couple of years we were together I would send him a card, and get him a present, a little something....but then I thought 'what's the point?' and so I didn't bother. I think that year was the first and ONLY year I got a card from him. And since then, nothing. I'd like to think that one day I will get something, but no such luck. Haha.

Anyway, we don't really do anniversary gift exchanges either - although on the 8th Feb, we would have been together 10 years, and in June married for 9 years. YIKES! So maybe this year....perhaps best not hold my breath, eh?! xx

Taz said...

Well you know already I have big plans for my girl for Valentine's day but I'm still waiting on your address - hint! hint!!

melanie said...

Hiya Alex :) Lovely to hear from you again :) I have added you to my blogroll :)
I hope you have luck with selling your creations, whether you sell on ebay or a blog shop :) xxx

Jim said...

Now Alex! There must be SOMETHING about Les that keeps you there and hoping. Or maybe he does just need a good kick in the arse!!
Hope this year IS the year!

Maggie said...

I like the idea of having a heart sister too, as I have no family, no siblings, and think it's just such a lovely idea, don't you all agree? Perhaps Carole, who suggested it, should sort it?