Sunday, 13 February 2011

The gift....

 My Mum gave me this picture of Auntie Emma, I don't think she's my Auntie... probably a great Aunt but this photo started something...

 I mentioned it to my Auntie (mums sister) and she asked if I could email her a copy... which I gladly did...
In return my cousin emailed me photos from their archives that they are sorting through and I was so pleased...

 Don't they all look so handsome...
My Grandpa is the proud gent sporting the moustache... I remember squealing with mixture of glee, excitement and apprehension when he would grab me and kiss my neck followed by a raspberry and the tickling torment of that very moustache...

 Grandpa and Nanny...
I think this was my eldest cousins wedding... 
I have very few memories of Nanny... the ones I do have are not all moments of fun and laughter... I am sure there were times but I was little and when you don't fully comprehend that people won't be around forever you don't cherish the moments you do have... I remember Nanny smiling as she banged a chair to let Grandpa (who was down below in his workshop) know that lunch was ready...(When Grandpa passed I asked if I could have the chair and it sits in my kitchen now!) I remember her grabbing hold of the spin dryer in a attempt to stop it travelling all around the tiny kitchen... but I also remember holding a bowl for her to cough up phlegm into as she slowly diminished from Parkinson's Disease... I think I was 9 or 10 when she passed...

My youngest Cousin looking beautiful in her Mary Poppin-Esq hat.. then me, and the daughters of friends of the family...

 My Aunt... Grandpa and Nanny and my mum...
according to my mum... and obviously this will be a differing account to that of my Aunt...
Grandpa commented that he didn't realise that his daughters where part of the Mafia... 
he thought their attire somewhat modern! especially with Auntie's reactolight glasses ;D


 Grandpa and my eldest cousin of 10 or so years senior to myself... 
I remember loving her high heel shoes and thinking she was very cool

 I wish I had a big enough house to invite grandparents and parents to for celebration meals and gatherings, I remember playing cards at my Aunts at that very table on boxing day, the thrill of winning tuppences and pennies playing Blackjack or 21 as I knew it...

This next picture had me in tears though...
I have very few pictures of myself being natural... they are usually all posed and have memories attached with the phrases "stand up straight" or "now smile!"

 Me with Grandpa...
I did so love those slippers... I loved the way the heels made that click clack noise on hard floors... I was a grown up in those slippers... I have this as the screen saver on my phone and I smile every time I see it...

I thank my cousin for sending me these photos and its helped me put my memories of my childhood to bed...
I by no means had a bad childhood, but when I think back I can only remember the low moments...
do you find that?
I remember the cross words, the "shh ... don't bother your father" piano practice while my friends played outside on a summers day... lying in bed listening to my older brothers playing in the garden... or having their "midnight feasts" at dusk with the neighbours children in their "china club"... 
I seem to have spent my past resenting the things I thought I missed out on... but this one photo has jolted me into dredging my memory for the good times I did experience some are still foggy but they are coming back and am happy to change the polarity of my past...
no longer will I dwell on the negative
just the smiles and hugs of my past

I feel like I have cleared a gateway of brambles and thorns and I am stepping through into the sunshine, oh no doubt there are rain clouds on the horizon but you can't deal with new joys and sadness's very well when you are still weighed down by the sodden woolen coat of your past...
I'm now in my lightweight anorak, with my polka dot umbrella and I seem to have found a new bounce in my step... 

I have even finished a crocheted blanket ... I am not good at finishing things...
This year will be about dealing with unfinished business...

Today it is windy wet and rainy but I am grateful for the hugs from my son, the cup of tea I shall make myself, the sunshine that shone yesterday, the eggs that the girls have laid for me even though they are enduring windy wet weather and lastly the comments and support given to me by friends all over the world...
Thank you
Alex
x


13 comments:

Rose H (UK) said...

Hi Alex!
What lovely photos and memories. It's sad that we don't always remember some of the happy times...but they're there somewhere. I don't have happy memories of my maternal Grandad who died when I was 4, but I now realise that he was quite ill and my memories of him being grumpy are quite unfounded.
Glad the sun is shining for you :o)
Hugs
Rose H

marigold jam said...

Life is certainly not a bowl of cherries all the time is it but I am glad you are beginning to see the positive things in amongst the other memories. I do know what you mean as I have a period in my life in which I seem to remember only the negative things too and I am sure it wasn't really all bad.

Jane

Joanne said...

Alex what a lovely post, I know how much you've struggled with your feelings over your past, I'm pleased you feel like you've cleared that part of the path, now for the next part of your journey and I'll be there right next to you, we can help each other through the tough times and enjoy the good times together.
Love
Your Soul Sister x

Jille said...

I love that post. Thank you for sharing your wonderful memories.
Jille x

lisa ridgeon said...

Such great pictures.

I have very few childhood memories. My parents divorced when i was 7 but i have no 'family' memories of my father before he left. I'm aware of the order of events in my childhood but i'm seriously lacking in details. I know i didn't have an unhappy childhood but my father's abandonment haunted me.

You've got me thinking though. Now that my boys are embarking on adulthood i may ask them how their childhood was for them.

X X

A Blessed Life said...

Hi Alex, I enjoyed your life story, I know what you are saying and that pic of you and your grandad says it all,I think you may well have been his favourite, a cousin visited recently and we were saying how cranky Nanna was when we were growing up,"o'h no he said,she was the loveliest old lady" lol yes and did he know he was her favourite! she made a huge fuss of John and we all got the crumbs anyway like you said we need to remember the good.Also I was raised with my grandparents so that the visiting ones always got the fuss i was just part of the furniture and I did not mind at all at least we were safe there and thats another story.Have a lovely day.Carole xx

Pink Feather Paradise said...

Thank you for all your comments and I am relieved that you didn't mind me sharing... sometimes its a little worrying that I am being too frank and honest... but to be honest its the cheapest therapy out there! ;D

I was the last grandchild and I was a girl so perhaps I did get an extra look in... lol
I couldn't really say as its generally more noticable to outside eyes... I love it where my grandparents live and where Auntie B and most of my country cousins still live... I use to wish that I lived there ... so much nicer than town ... I think I'm a country girl at heart... ;D

Babbs said...

aww Alex, such a sweet honest post, and I love it. You are such a genuine, sweet girl!! The photos are just grand!!! I love them all, and what a beautiful girl you were. (and I'm sure still are. ;) Love hearing about your childhood past, sorry they can't all be good memories, but hopefully those good ones outshine the rest!!! Big hugs to you girlie on this day!!

Taz said...

I LOVE the piccy of you and your Grandad.
I'm like you and often struggle to remember any good bits, all the work I've had to do to get through my Fostering panel has helped not only process some of the bad bits but also remember some bits that were really ok. (((hugs)))
I wish I could get more pictures from my childhood, my mother guards them all and I fear that when she's gone my brother will claim them all.
The photo I just posted of when I was wee was taken on my mobile phone just so I knew I had a copy.

Maggie said...

Alex.. thanks for the comment on my blog.Now prepare yourself for a surprise... you DO have my address, didn't you send me a Christmas card last year... you ARE Alex Samways aren't you? I will be in your address book under K.... in Norfolk....oh, and are you related to Sue Samways who is mentioned in the current issue of MAKING magazine (www.gardenhousebrighton.co.uk)

Pink Milk said...

What a moving post Alex. I do so love the photo of you with your Grandad.

Here's wishing you lots more sunshine as you continue to unravel your memories.

Hx

Pink Feather Paradise said...

Maggie.... noooo do I have it..? I will have to check... oh how pants I feel now! lol I am indeed Alexandra Samways... at the moment, I have placed my Deed Poll paperwork in one of those fatal "safe places" once tracked down I will be of the same surname as my children and fiancee... who appears to be marriage shy! ;D
I would have to consult the keeper of the family tree.. aka middle brother! I am not aware of a relative called sue... and there are a fair few Samways's about... apparently french in origin and it is said that it means "village idiot!" sems apt... lol

I shall check my address book in the morn and I will have a little something in the post to you very soon... yay an excuse to get creative! ;D

smilernpb said...

My sister recently scanned a lot of old piccies and stuck them on Facebook. Some lovely ones of my lovely Auntie who passed away last year.....bless her. It's always nice to go through old piccies I think, as they bring back so many memories. Don't quite think it will be the same for our kids with all the digital pics, but never mind. Ho hum.

Hugs xx