The gift....

 My Mum gave me this picture of Auntie Emma, I don't think she's my Auntie... probably a great Aunt but this photo started something...

 I mentioned it to my Auntie (mums sister) and she asked if I could email her a copy... which I gladly did...

In return my cousin emailed me photos from their archives that they are sorting through and I was so pleased...

 Don't they all look so handsome...

My Grandpa is the proud gent sporting the moustache... I remember squealing with mixture of glee, excitement and apprehension when he would grab me and kiss my neck followed by a raspberry and the tickling torment of that very moustache...

 Grandpa and Nanny...

I think this was my eldest cousins wedding... 

I have very few memories of Nanny... the ones I do have are not all moments of fun and laughter... I am sure there were times but I was little and when you don't fully comprehend that people won't be around forever you don't cherish the moments you do have... I remember Nanny smiling as she banged a chair to let Grandpa (who was down below in his workshop) know that lunch was ready...(When Grandpa passed I asked if I could have the chair and it sits in my kitchen now!) I remember her grabbing hold of the spin dryer in a attempt to stop it travelling all around the tiny kitchen... but I also remember holding a bowl for her to cough up phlegm into as she slowly diminished from Parkinson's Disease... I think I was 9 or 10 when she passed...

 

My youngest Cousin looking beautiful in her Mary Poppin-Esq hat.. then me, and the daughters of friends of the family...

 My Aunt... Grandpa and Nanny and my mum...

according to my mum... and obviously this will be a differing account to that of my Aunt...

Grandpa commented that he didn't realise that his daughters where part of the Mafia... 

he thought their attire somewhat modern! especially with Auntie's reactolight glasses ;D

 Grandpa and my eldest cousin of 10 or so years senior to myself... 

I remember loving her high heel shoes and thinking she was very cool

 I wish I had a big enough house to invite grandparents and parents to for celebration meals and gatherings, I remember playing cards at my Aunts at that very table on boxing day, the thrill of winning tuppences and pennies playing Blackjack or 21 as I knew it...

This next picture had me in tears though...

I have very few pictures of myself being natural... they are usually all posed and have memories attached with the phrases "stand up straight" or "now smile!"

 Me with Grandpa...

I did so love those slippers... I loved the way the heels made that click clack noise on hard floors... I was a grown up in those slippers... I have this as the screen saver on my phone and I smile every time I see it...

I thank my cousin for sending me these photos and its helped me put my memories of my childhood to bed...

I by no means had a bad childhood, but when I think back I can only remember the low moments...

do you find that?

I remember the cross words, the "shh ... don't bother your father" piano practice while my friends played outside on a summers day... lying in bed listening to my older brothers playing in the garden... or having their "midnight feasts" at dusk with the neighbours children in their "china club"... 

I seem to have spent my past resenting the things I thought I missed out on... but this one photo has jolted me into dredging my memory for the good times I did experience some are still foggy but they are coming back and am happy to change the polarity of my past...

no longer will I dwell on the negative

just the smiles and hugs of my past

I feel like I have cleared a gateway of brambles and thorns and I am stepping through into the sunshine, oh no doubt there are rain clouds on the horizon but you can't deal with new joys and sadness's very well when you are still weighed down by the sodden woolen coat of your past...

I'm now in my lightweight anorak, with my polka dot umbrella and I seem to have found a new bounce in my step... 

I have even finished a crocheted blanket ... I am not good at finishing things...

This year will be about dealing with unfinished business...

Today it is windy wet and rainy but I am grateful for the hugs from my son, the cup of tea I shall make myself, the sunshine that shone yesterday, the eggs that the girls have laid for me even though they are enduring windy wet weather and lastly the comments and support given to me by friends all over the world...

Thank you

Alex

x

Love and all things lovely....

Its February and love is in the air.... 

I realise that valentines day is a commercial nightmare but it didn't use to be... honest! ;D

I remember back when I was at school that I always dreamt of receiving a card... every year I would get my hopes up and every year I would be disappointed... I was a sensible girl at school... the youngest in my year and yet the most mature and grown up... tall for my age it was expected of me by my peers, teachers and family... I grew up quickly and kept people at arms reach... I still yearn for that lavish gesture... a flower.. a card... something bold that makes your heart flip flop and leaves you flush with excitement and wishing you worked in a very public place so that everyone would see how much your loved... My first ever boyfriend got it...although he was a control freak and not meant to be, understood how to woo a lady... he knew how to ring all the right bells make you feel like one in a million...

However after 7 and a half years and a year into owning our first house he dumped me for his secretary .... 

so not such a catch after all! ;D

She bath'd with the roses red, and violets blew,

And all the sweetest flowres, that in the forrest grew.

The Faerie Queene (1590)

Edmund Spenser

Les (Mr P) doesn't "do" romance.... doesn't really do Easter, Birthdays or Christmas and as were not married he luckily cannot miss our anniversary... I have handily forgotten the date we met and the only reminder I get is from his mother and I wish she would forget it too! 

The words "I love you" are very rarely heard, in fact I can't physically remember hearing them... however my mum has informed me that my dad never used those words to her either... she's ask him if he loved her and he'd reply "I'm still here aren't I" so I can only assume its more prolific than I suspected...

However I still find myself hoping, praying and yearning for some kind of recognition of love after all these years....  a cup of tea in bed... or a unexpected lunch or dinner in or out... something to whisk me off my feet... it wouldn't take much I promise you...

So with the usual comment of "pah... Valentines day is a waste of money... its so commercialised and whats the point!" why not choose to not be commercial... make the effort to pack a picnic and go out for a stroll... or make a card or if you do buy a card put more in it other than "to.... " and "from....." write something lovely and personal and show that you do take notice of the person that shares your ups and downs for the rest of the year... make heart shaped biscuits and pop them in his/her lunch box... 

but this has to be a 2 way street .... 

its so soul destroying to give your heart every February and get nothing in return... its like putting your heart on the wall only for it to be pelted with stones by a lad with a sling shot... last year I bought Les a card... I think he even saw the envelope... he expected it... he had nothing as usual for me... so I put his in the bin... childish I know but why set myself up for disappointment... 

Saint Valentine has even been removed from the Catholic calendar... even though the idea that he married single men and their ladies secretly as Emperor Claudius did not want married men as they wouldn't be such good soldiers is unsubstantiated in historical texts but surely its a chance to show someone you care...

The rose is red, the violets blue

the honey's sweet, and so are you

Thou are my love and I am thine

I drew thee to my Valentine

The lot was cast and then I drew

And fortune said it shou'd be you.

Gammer Gurton's Garland (1784)

I realise there are plenty of ladies out there that are treated wonderfully and they in return hopefully treat their men fantastically... however there are plenty of us out here that get nothing and not much else the rest of the year either... its a lovely idea that we should love and appreciate each other all year not just on February 14th but it doesn't happen for us all... so we need a day to grasp onto and hope that this year will be different...

If any of you lovely bloggy people would like me to send you a card this valentines drop me an email with your address and I will pop a card in the post to you... 

Its obviously not the love of an unrequited passionate type but it would be full of love for a fellow romantic with dreams and hopes...

take care

Alex

x