Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick!!!!!
Now for the excuse:
Um ... I lost my way, and I've been stumbling around searching for the way home. I got on the wrong road and couldn't get off till I came across a junction ... I have travelled through some beautiful places having a lovely time and then all hell broke loose and I was run off the road by a speeding camel... gotta watch out for those darn camels ... but here I am ... a little scruffed up by the last *cough cough* months ... however I have survived .... Whats for tea?
Where upon you say:
Well ... so long as you're okay ... I forgive you ... give us a hug!!
Its been a hell of a year, a year of changes some good ... some bad. I have felt lost and then eventually been found, plopped back on my feet and set on my way again. Life has a way of trying your every last strand of sanity ... pushing all your buttons then sitting back on its haunches waiting for you to go BOOM!
I won't lie .. there have been fireworks, tears and laughter when you realise the futility of the wall you are currently trying to stove your head into.
I am still a mum of two, although there have been moments that I could have gladly strangled my 14 year old daughter ... My little boy calms my world and my nerves, his cuddles and loves are like soothing cream to my soul how I wish he'd be six years old forever.
Mr P and I are ,on the whole, singing from the same song sheet. Although I think he's worried about me ... I am currently awaiting surgery ... personally I am quietly terrified of the whole ordeal, its only gallbladder removal, but unfortunately I now have stones stuck in the bile duct so the consultants want to go on a little fishing trip down my throat to retrieve the stuck stones. I really don't do being ill, or off my feet while recovering. I'm a mum, partner, pet owner, daughter, taxi driver, housekeeper and cook ... I have no time to sit and recover. However the whole situation is secondary as I still don't have a date for the fishing trip or the op... So I shall stick to the fat/alcohol/dairy free diet (plus side is that I have lost 4 and a half stone in 4 months!) and although I was mightily jarred off on the 12th of this month when they sent me home from my second surgery date after they found the trapped stones ... the dawning realisation of a treat less and alcohol free Christmas really sunk in ... I love Christmas and all its indulgences. I've accepted it now though, the surgery will happen eventually and I might be able to eat wicked food again ... but for the time being ... this is my lot and I have to make the most of it ...
The week I was in hospital with pancreatitis my dad was in the ward downstairs ... I came home ... unfortunately my dad didn't, He was 85 and I truly believe he's with me more now than ever. I shed plenty of tears privately but I think they were more for myself ... My fear of "did he love me?" "was he proud of me?" etc ... but I decided to just accept that he probably was and considered how much he did for me throughout my 41 years ... and through remembering all the times that he picked me up and dropped me off, paid for my activities and my teenage whims and fancies ... he loved me ... he may not have said it with words but his actions spoke it every time. I think that's why I tell my children that I love them .. as well as hug them to death and spoil them rotten ...
So ... I am all ready for Christmas, presents bought and wrapped and cards written and sent (well apart from family cards) ... I am ready for whatever life throws at me next ... I'd like it to be kind ... but whatever will be will be ...
I shall watch the sky and dream of wonders and experiences still to come, and love and appreciate those that love me for who I am.
Take care
Stay safe
and perhaps tell someone that you love them today ... and above all else ... love who you are ... if you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else to ... xx
8 comments:
Good to see yu back! I do hope that the surgery will happen soon and all will be well so that 2013 can be a better year for you.
It was really lovely to see you posting again. I have been calling in each month hoping to see you around. But of course, that thing called LIFE got in the way and it's understandable when people have to retreat for a time and not just cope with what's going on, but have time to just be themselves.
I told my sons I loved them all the time, fat lot of good it did me. But at least I know I told them, as my Mum did with me all the time. My father, no.
And although it's no consolation, I can't have wicked treats, can no longer have champagne on my birthday (next week when I hit 62, the first woman in my mother's side to do this for more generations than I have been able to trace!). But thanks to ulcers caused by meds, I can no longer eat cheese, or spicy foods, nothing strongly flavoured, so you are not alone, and at least you can console yourself with the hope that it won't be permanent in your case.
And for the most part, I do love me. And being me. And my lovely husband does too, and my bestest friends, and that's all that matters now.
Hope to see more of you, stay positive, warm and smile, you're a wonderful, unique woman, no-one else quite like you in the world - and some would say in my case, that's a blessing!
Maggie
New blogs....
www.hometalesfromanorfolkbroad.blogspot.co.uk
www.abookloversplace.blogspot.co.uk
I LOVE you sis xxxxx
Aw hunni... I love you toooooo! xxx
I had to double-take my reading list! So glad to see you back, hope the gall-bladder is sorted soon for you.
Rose H
x
Good to see you posting again - sounds like 2012 has been a rough one. Here's hoping things pick up in 2013!
And I'm always telling my kids I love them too, unlike my parents did with me. And I call my kids darling and sweetheart and baby them when they'll let me and tell them they'll always be my babies and do everything I can to make sure they know I could never stop loving them!
How wonderful to know that both you and Taz are still out there and alive. I write this whilst awaiting the outcome of a friend's surgery on her pancreas........ You wrote such a timely post Alex....
Hey my lovely big hugs xxxx
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