Sunday, 12 December 2010

Expectations, assumptions and fairytales....

     Life is full of them... you grow up watching musicals and happy ever after endings where men are romantic and chase after their true love to make them theirs, you hear of those few true romantics that exist that do whisk their girlfriends and wives away for romantic weekends and buy them gifts and flowers and make an effort to make them feel special and loved... but you soon realise that this is a minority not the main.... but you never loose the hope that one day this will change and the man that you have chosen as your partner will one day lavish you with love and a gesture that makes you smile from the center of your heart to the tips of your toes... 
     Being the youngest of 4 and the only girl I had so many assumptions as I grew up... I assumed as I neared 17 that like my friends at school and college I would be given driving lessons for my birthday present and that like my brothers a car would be made available... they drove dads Maxi... but nothing happened ... no lessons appeared and I had met my first boyfriend at 15 and a half and we were together for 7 years...he drove me around and my dad would fetch and carry me the rest of the time... mum doesn't drive and it would appear Samways women do not do this...
     When I eventually met Les in 1996 I still didn't drive and at 25 I had an idea of getting married and doing it differently to my cousins and middle brother who had weddings of escalating amazingness as fashion and venues grew in size and splendor... I did not see the point in trying to match these events but I had an expectation that dad would look forward to walking his only daughter down the aisle... Les and I got engaged in Brighton a month or so after we got together and we were met by no real reaction apart from surprise... no party no gifts no cards... that I can recollect... I am not sure if you usually get any of the these things but again ... expectations! 
      So Les and I researched weddings and decided that we would get married abroad in Austria, his Uncle loved Austria and visited it many times during his life and as I had never met him before his death and Les's mum was very close to her brother we thought it would be lovely to take his mum and dad there especially as at that time they had never been abroad, my dad would not go to Austria as he was stationed there during the war and mum suggested that we just go off and get married and come back and tell them... which would have hurt Les's mum and dad... so instead we just lived as married people and have been engaged for the last 14 years...
     So we bought a house, got a dog... had a baby! and Les and I live as a married couple, faithful and true in our relationship... we support each other and have moments when we despair of each others inadequacies... but we have never argued never screamed and shouted at each other whether this is a good thing or a bad thing I have no clue.. its just the way we are... a few years later when we could afford it we had Daniel and I became the mum that I couldn't be with Jamie as our situation required two incomes at the time and Jamie spent the bulk of her childhood with my mum... which I resented....
     Daniel was born in High Wycombe where we lived for 18 months and I became a grown up.. no mum to make my life easy by "helping with the baby" I had to cope, I had to learn and as I have very few memories of Jamies childhood it was like being a new mum... and when we did eventually move back to Somerset I was begining to be me.... 
     So after a few years here getting more niggled by the assumptions of neighbours, school and officials that I am Mrs Porter I have decided that its about time that I do have the same surname as the rest of "my" family and as I do not covet the attention of walking down the aisle and as I am not a religious person I think I am more spiritual in my beliefs and that the registry office looks like an office... I am opting for the unconvential and just changing my name and title by deed poll... Les and I will both have new rings to replace our engagement rings
     So I have paid my £53 and the paperwork is hopefully on its way... I will sign it in front of a witness who also signs it and thats it! all done.... I will have 3 copies of the document to send to the DVLA, Passport office and bank and I will be known from that day forth as Mrs Porter, a Samways no more!


I think we'll go out for a meal and its strange but I feel so excited at the prospect of being a Porter... I have even found a ring that will mean something to me as its my birthstone (Peridot) with Les's birthstone (diamond) either side... I hope they still have it in stock...

Unconventional .?.. perhaps.... but for anyone that knows me... its very me! ;D

very honest and open, you wear your heart on your sleeve and always try to remain positive and look on the bright side even when things are really tough.
You are always thinking of others and should spend a little more time thinking of yourself xx

Beki  (facebook blogfriend!)

the above is so true... how can someone who I have never met in person know me so well..? ;D

this is something for me.... oh and I eventually learnt to drive about 6 years ago when I worked for the council they paid for 20 lessons as they wanted me to take on the driving of a 3 and a half ton van to do collections...

This post is more a diary entry and a theraputic release... Mum dislikes me being so open and honest, its not the done thing... but if it helps me its worth doing... 

I hope your all having good weekends... Daniel is suffering from his first bad stomach so I am reasoning with an almost 5 year old that popping in your pants could have tragic concequenses... 

take care

Alex

x

9 comments:

smilernpb said...

Alex, I know some of this because I've been facebooking over the weekend. I think it's a lovely thing to do, and who cares if it's not the 'norm' - it's what you want and that's all that matters. Many congratulations to you xxx

marigold jam said...

What a sad story but what a happy ending! Congratulations on your forthcoming becoming Mrs Porter - have a lovely day and a special meal and think of the money saved on a "proper" wedding!! Sometimes it's good to march to a different drum to all the rest and if you are happy together it is nothing to do with anyone else how you achieve that. Love the ring. Let me have your address and I would love to post you are card.

Jane

Rose H (UK) said...

Alex - there's no right or wrong way in my book, you should be true to yourself. You are happy and love your partner and children, so what if you're not married? That you have decided to change your surname is great because YOU want to do it. Love the ring!
Congratulations at being at peace with yourself :o)
Hope Daniel is feeling better soon,
Best wishes
Rose H

A Blessed Life said...

Hi Alex Porter,I have had some strange reactions as I read your post,I felt so sad for you, wanted to shake your Mum and Dad and say"look at your lovely girl!) and at the same time knew exactly how you felt when you got engaged wtc as we had the same thing, we did however have the required wedding to the order of everyone elses likes and we are still together 40 years on,the family did not like my choiceof husband ,anyway this is not about me it is about you. I think you are just wonderful,and I feel excited for you, I am so glad you got to drive at last for the independance it gives you as much as anything else,I am only one of 2 the boy is the elder and at 65 and me 61 when he is near MUm only has eyes for him,and he does nothing for her and she lives with me now full time...it must be a boy thing!!! all we can do is to change the cycle..have a lovely day and Alex Porter sounds great! xx

Taz said...

Sitting here reading this with a big grin on my face. Doing what makes you happy is wonderful. Go Alex!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Itch2stitch.com said...

Alex, I love you! Strong reaction, well maybe if you consider we have never met, but I just feel a real connection to you and the way you are! I am sure if we met each other we would get on like a house on fire. Convention is an over-rated pastime thought up by unimaginative peeps! Susie xxxxxxxx

Menopausal musing said...

I held my breath reading this one. Whenever "the" day is, have a wonderful time. Your honesty shines through in your blog and it is that which keeps us reading. :O))))

Maggie said...

This was just such a wonderful post to read, I read it twice! I love the way you just talk from your heart... this is me to a T, but I prefer, these days, with the hindsight and wisdom of reaching the unexpected age of 60 (longevity is not in my genes, I am the first woman on my mother's side of the family to get past 50 in more generations than I care to recount!) to be more circumspect. I let a little of the real inner me out to blogland, but the rest is for close friends and my journal only.
However, I am so glad you use your blog like a private journal, as it makes for such interesting read compared to the fluffiness of my own blog, and the others even more fluffy!
Congratulations on being Alex Porter, long may she blog and prosper - and hopefully not have too many popped-in pants to contend with!

MarieAnge said...

Alex, never think any less of yourself because "family" does not approve.

As you know, I'm out there, right beside you :) Isn't it a wonderful place to be?

We all have our paths to travel, some are easy, some are not. Look behind you, isn't that the most tortuous dark path you've ever seen? Now look ahead of you, don't you see the sunshine over the hill? That's where you are going, happier days and a long life with your darling husband and beautiful children. Keep walking, keep living and you will find peace and joy at every turn.

Congratulations Mrs. Porter!

Angel