Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick!!!!!
Now for the excuse:
Um ... I lost my way, and I've been stumbling around searching for the way home. I got on the wrong road and couldn't get off till I came across a junction ... I have travelled through some beautiful places having a lovely time and then all hell broke loose and I was run off the road by a speeding camel... gotta watch out for those darn camels ... but here I am ... a little scruffed up by the last *cough cough* months ... however I have survived .... Whats for tea?
Where upon you say:
Well ... so long as you're okay ... I forgive you ... give us a hug!!
Its been a hell of a year, a year of changes some good ... some bad. I have felt lost and then eventually been found, plopped back on my feet and set on my way again. Life has a way of trying your every last strand of sanity ... pushing all your buttons then sitting back on its haunches waiting for you to go BOOM!
I won't lie .. there have been fireworks, tears and laughter when you realise the futility of the wall you are currently trying to stove your head into.
I am still a mum of two, although there have been moments that I could have gladly strangled my 14 year old daughter ... My little boy calms my world and my nerves, his cuddles and loves are like soothing cream to my soul how I wish he'd be six years old forever.
Mr P and I are ,on the whole, singing from the same song sheet. Although I think he's worried about me ... I am currently awaiting surgery ... personally I am quietly terrified of the whole ordeal, its only gallbladder removal, but unfortunately I now have stones stuck in the bile duct so the consultants want to go on a little fishing trip down my throat to retrieve the stuck stones. I really don't do being ill, or off my feet while recovering. I'm a mum, partner, pet owner, daughter, taxi driver, housekeeper and cook ... I have no time to sit and recover. However the whole situation is secondary as I still don't have a date for the fishing trip or the op... So I shall stick to the fat/alcohol/dairy free diet (plus side is that I have lost 4 and a half stone in 4 months!) and although I was mightily jarred off on the 12th of this month when they sent me home from my second surgery date after they found the trapped stones ... the dawning realisation of a treat less and alcohol free Christmas really sunk in ... I love Christmas and all its indulgences. I've accepted it now though, the surgery will happen eventually and I might be able to eat wicked food again ... but for the time being ... this is my lot and I have to make the most of it ...
The week I was in hospital with pancreatitis my dad was in the ward downstairs ... I came home ... unfortunately my dad didn't, He was 85 and I truly believe he's with me more now than ever. I shed plenty of tears privately but I think they were more for myself ... My fear of "did he love me?" "was he proud of me?" etc ... but I decided to just accept that he probably was and considered how much he did for me throughout my 41 years ... and through remembering all the times that he picked me up and dropped me off, paid for my activities and my teenage whims and fancies ... he loved me ... he may not have said it with words but his actions spoke it every time. I think that's why I tell my children that I love them .. as well as hug them to death and spoil them rotten ...
So ... I am all ready for Christmas, presents bought and wrapped and cards written and sent (well apart from family cards) ... I am ready for whatever life throws at me next ... I'd like it to be kind ... but whatever will be will be ...
I shall watch the sky and dream of wonders and experiences still to come, and love and appreciate those that love me for who I am.
Take care
Stay safe
and perhaps tell someone that you love them today ... and above all else ... love who you are ... if you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else to ... xx
