Monday, 9 May 2011

Good morning conscience..... do you have time for a chat?

I have a little query that is playing on my heart and soul and I was wondering if you could shine any light on the situation...?

you'll give it a go ... thank you so much!

Late last night the elderly gent who lives down the road banged on my front door and scared me half to death... knocks on doors at gone 10:30 generally do not bode well... anyway I digress!

The gent in question ... lets call him Bob... had taken a tumble down his stairs and had been laying at the foot of the stairs wedged and unable to get up... obviously he had managed in the end as he was banging on my door but he had been there, by his account, all afternoon... he does have my phone number but was unable to call it on his mobile as he got a bit flustered and confused...

So I grab shoes, coat and mobile and escort him home... the next 2 and a half hours were spent talking, with me mostly listening and watching for any visible signs of trauma or injury... he complained of aches and pains but apart from wandering in conversation and retelling old stories with slight changes to information previously told he seemed fine...

his overweight Rottweiler constantly tried to state his dominance over me by leaning, licking and climbing on me but previously having owned a Doberman I am not at all phased by a rotty...

during the following few hours I made cups of tea for him and at twenty past one this morning I came home... promising to pop in this morning to make sure he was okay...

This morning he was still sat in his chair and seemed himself although complaining of a stiff shoulder and aches and pains... his sink is full of dishes, the ashtray over flowing, the fridge is steadily breeding biological warfare... as I walked in he said "kettles boiled!" but I had Daniel waiting to be driven to school so arranged to pop back at 11am after he returned from town as he was adamant that he had to collect his pension...

now conscience.... how can I ignore this mans needs and yet still have time for my own responsibilities... he is an elderly man who's family have abandoned him for whatever reasons... he is living in the past where his body is capable of many things that it cannot accomplish now and he talks in circles as he frantically searches for more conversation to keep his visitor there... he's lonely beyond belief and has a need to give you stuff to buy your attention... he's always telling you how much pension he gets and how much money he has in the bank and I know he has been ripped off financially by the last couple of women that have "helped" him... he talks about sex like he's still a viral young man... and would rather tell someone to piss off than accept help or advice... he's cantankerous and stubborn and yet I see a proud man struggling to accept the advancement of life...

Im not the type of person that can close the door and say "not my problem!" however this could very well escalate into a full time undertaking...

dear conscience do I help him and try to keep him at arms length and do as much as I can honestly do, being up front and honest with him from the start... or do I just help when really needed and keep my head down so as not to get caught the rest of the time?

Dilemmas and consequences .... its all so frustrating...

Les's rolls his eyes and I know I have so much on my plate these days but whats a girl to do?

thank you for listening
xx

n.b.. he's just popped around with a bag of chicken breasts... "as he wont eat them" ... he said his legs are still shaky but when I asked when was the last time he ate anything he couldn't answer me.... he's popping around to the old peoples day center around the back of where we live... I said to him on so many occasions that he should try and move into a bungalow around there but he wont have it... hopefully he'll have a cuppa and a biscuit... i shall still pop down at 11am and check on him...

8 comments:

LissyLou said...

Hmmm i see your dilehma!!

i'd find that hard, as i couldn't just leave him, but also it may get a bit too much for you. I think you've got to keep him at arms length. Maybe don't pop round so much as he may come to rely upon you too much. i suggest you go out of the house as much as possible for a while!!! are there any other neighbours that help?

Josie said...

mmm, difficult one,

about the bungalow, does he actually have his name on any waiting lists for one? my mum has been on a council waiting list for the last two years and been bidding and not even offered anything and step-mother-in law was on a waiting list for 15 years before she was offered anything. Her and father-in-law are in a bunglow and live independently but have 24 hr warden assistace if they need it.

What about you contacting social services/council just for a chat, see if he is entitled to any help? thats if there is any help left with all the cut-backs! are there any other neighbours he talks to?

Josie x

Pink Feather Paradise said...

Thank you ... Neighbours tend to either work or consider him a "grumpy old git!" I've just cooked the chicken breast roast that be gave me and taken down a chicken dinner with new potatoes and sweetcorn ... I will go and fetch back my plate later ... I wonder if he's feeling wobbly due to lack of food ... It's going to be tricky to juggle it and keep it balanced but perhaps I will phone social services too and get some advice ... I don't want paying or gifts ... I also don't want an " if only..." moment to occur within close proximity either ... Xx

Rose H (UK) said...

Hello Alex, what a conundrum for you. If it were me I would certainly get in touch with Age Concern and ask if they could help. If he's feeling wobbly it could as you say be due to lack of food, but it could also be something else. Do you know who his doctor is? If so I would certainly get in touch with them too. As Josie suggests I would also speak to social services. I certainly understand that you wouldn't wash you hands of the situation - but you do need to stand back....
In the meantime, I sure a good meal has done him nothing but good.
Hugs
Rose H

Twiggy said...

You are a lovely caring neighbour. Personally I'd phone social services and perhaps Help the Aged and see if some support and company could be found for this chap.
Twiggy x

smilernpb said...

Aww, it's a tough one, but I most certainly think that you already have enought crammed into your life, however as I totally understand you won't abandon him, maybe, as others have suggested, you find someone else to help him, that way, you have helped....by getting him the help he so obviously needs. Hugs xxx

The sewing room said...

Sounds like to much for one person,l think you should contact his doctor or some other service to,he is not your responability but as a good neighbour the odd hot meal would certainly do him some good.


Hugs Pat

Taz said...

Everyone has already given you great advice. I just want to add that you are an amazing lady and I'm proud to call you my friend ((((hugs))))