Somerset Musings ...

I really need to get a grip, my Friday nights use to be full of excitement ... looking forward to an evening out getting dolled up and making an effort ... I've left Mr P in the kitchen watching Idiot Abroad 3 ... I can hear it though so I am not really missing it ... our house is tiny ... I'm sat here wondering if I am possibly the most boring person on the planet?

I have so much to do and I just don't know where to start ... so I haven't started at all ... Its almost like my whole life is on hold waiting for something and I just cant shake it off ...

I received an email from the Surgeons secretary today ... they've now decided that they'll remove my gallbladder before removing the stones from the bile duct ... however they don't think its likely that I'll be in before the new year ... but if I get any discomfort I'm to contact his secretary, or if I have another pancreatic attack I'm to get myself admitted.  We'll with Christmas looming I am being very sensible, careful and restrictive of my diet... I've not had any pain as such since the beginning of October when I was so bad I ended up in hospital and I am still loosing weight which everyone thinks is marvellous.  So I shall shut up and be a patient patient!  I feel awful about getting annoyed about it all ... there are, after all, people out there suffering worse illnesses and symptoms than me ... but I am really quite fed up with it all now.

My head is choka block full with creative thoughts and ideas ... but until I get the lounge and the kitchen de-cluttered I have no space to be creative ... I ordered a canvas, I had an idea to paint something really big ... only problem is its a lot bigger than I thought it would be ... I think I misread inches for mm ... oops!

So I am now the proud owner of a HUGE canvas and nowhere to paint something that big ... I am beyond a doubt the biggest wally ever.  I'm thinking the house in my little fantasy world that I seem to live in must be huge, with a creative room all for me.  All I need is that lottery win, however I think there are a lot of people in need of that kind of financial boost.  Well I suppose at least I have made the first step of actually buying a ticket...

 We like many other places in the UK had an awful lot of rain a couple of weeks ago ... I didn't bother trying to get Daniel to school on a couple of the days that the roads were flooded.  Mr P and I walked to the next village on the Sunday of the floods, it was to the top of our welly boots so I decided that Monday would be a flood day ... Daniel was quite happy to stay home ... It was lovely and sunny on this Sunday morning and the walk to the next village was eerily quiet ... this road is usually very busy day or night ... its the favoured rat run through to the A303 ... unfortunately its also well used by the local farmers, cyclists and horse riders ... accidents abound on this wriggly road ... too many sharp corners and plentiful supply of impatient journeymen ... it was closed again on Thursday when a motor cyclist came a cropper after the puddles froze to black ice.  Luckily he only suffered whiplash type injuries although his bike was a write off.

We do not live at the lower end of the village, Luckily we are on the hill so its would be a disaster indeed should the flood waters ever reach our door but the weather is seriously testing our resolve these days ... I heard murmurings in the school playground from the farmers wives that we are due a month of snow ... so we shall wait and see what the end of 2012 has in store for us.

Stay safe and warm

hugs and loves to you all

Alex x

Hi Hunni...... I'm Home.....

Your reply should be something along the lines of:
Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick!!!!!
Now for the excuse:
Um ... I lost my way, and I've been stumbling around searching for the way home. I got on the wrong road and couldn't get off till I came across a junction ... I have travelled through some beautiful places having a lovely time and then all hell broke loose and I was run off the road by a speeding camel... gotta watch out for those darn camels ... but here I am ... a little scruffed up by the last *cough cough* months ... however I have survived .... Whats for tea?
Where upon you say:
Well ... so long as you're okay ... I forgive you ... give us a hug!!

 
     Its been a hell of a year, a year of changes some good ... some bad. I have felt lost and then eventually been found, plopped back on my feet and set on my way again. Life has a way of trying your every last strand of sanity ... pushing all your buttons then sitting back on its haunches waiting for you to go BOOM!
I won't lie .. there have been fireworks, tears and laughter when you realise the futility of the wall you are currently trying to stove your head into.
     I am still a mum of two, although there have been moments that I could have gladly strangled my 14 year old daughter ... My little boy calms my world and my nerves, his cuddles and loves are like soothing cream to my soul how I wish he'd be six years old forever.

     Mr P and I are ,on the whole, singing from the same song sheet. Although I think he's worried about me ... I am currently awaiting surgery ... personally I am quietly terrified of the whole ordeal, its only gallbladder removal, but unfortunately I now have stones stuck in the bile duct so the consultants want to go on a little fishing trip down my throat to retrieve the stuck stones. I really don't do being ill, or off my feet while recovering. I'm a mum, partner, pet owner, daughter, taxi driver, housekeeper and cook ... I have no time to sit and recover. However the whole situation is secondary as I still don't have a date for the fishing trip or the op... So I shall stick to the fat/alcohol/dairy free diet (plus side is that I have lost 4 and a half stone in 4 months!) and although I was mightily jarred off on the 12th of this month when they sent me home from my second surgery date after they found the trapped stones ... the dawning realisation of a treat less and alcohol free Christmas really sunk in ... I love Christmas and all its indulgences. I've accepted it now though, the surgery will happen eventually and I might be able to eat wicked food again ... but for the time being ... this is my lot and I have to make the most of it ...

     The week I was in hospital with pancreatitis my dad was in the ward downstairs ... I came home ... unfortunately my dad didn't, He was 85 and I truly believe he's with me more now than ever. I shed plenty of tears privately but I think they were more for myself ... My fear of "did he love me?" "was he proud of me?" etc ... but I decided to just accept that he probably was and considered how much he did for me throughout my 41 years ... and through remembering all the times that he picked me up and dropped me off, paid for my activities and my teenage whims and fancies ... he loved me ... he may not have said it with words but his actions spoke it every time. I think that's why I tell my children that I love them .. as well as hug them to death and spoil them rotten ...

     So ... I am all ready for Christmas, presents bought and wrapped and cards written and sent (well apart from family cards) ... I am ready for whatever life throws at me next ... I'd like it to be kind ... but whatever will be will be ...

     I shall watch the sky and dream of wonders and experiences still to come, and love and appreciate those that love me for who I am. 

Take care
Stay safe
and perhaps tell someone that you love them today ... and above all else ... love who you are ... if you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else to ... xx